Learning New Skills — Asian Americans and the Fine Art of the Air Kiss

S. K. Gupta
5 min readApr 25, 2022

It’s an Art, not Science

The Art of The Air Kiss

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house, Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse; The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there…

Oops. Wrong story!

It was actually the week before Christmas and our Chairman and CEO was hosting his annual Christmas party at his home. As a newly-minted vice president, my wife and I got invited. Just as we entered, we ran into our good friends, the Wilsons. Pamela, a colleague, offered me her cheek and I lightly kissed it. Shortly, I noticed from the corner of my eye that she was stealthily wiping her cheek. Oops again. What did I do wrong?

So, I started observing the folks, and discovered the Air Kiss! One touches cheek to cheek and makes the sound of a kiss without actually kissing! This was my first senior executive level social event. I was used to handshakes and hugs — and now I was watching the Air Kiss! It took me nearly five decades to discover this etiquette?! Having spent over 15 years on the West Coast, I also wondered if it was an East Coast thing.

Well, growing up in India — or anywhere in Asia — there is no kissing in the professional, or even public, environment. In Japan, one bows from the waist. In China, one bows from the shoulders and there is a light and longer handshake. In Thailand, one joins hands and bows slightly. In India, one joins hands and you say Namaste. Even if one shakes hands, it is a very light handshake.

I grew up sandwiched between four sisters, and I only remember one time when my older sister gave me a peck on the cheek when she saw me after a long time. Kissing cheeks was not the norm in India. Not even in families, forget about at work. Actually, kissing by lovers and even spouses on screen was taboo in Bollywood movies till the 1970s!

By that Christmas party, I had been in the US for nearly two decades, and really had not come across much air or cheek kissing. At best, a light side hug was all that a professional woman and I would do. And now I was discovering a new level of greeting. The Air Kiss!

In Europe, Central & South America, and in French Canada (“La Bise”), air kisses are not uncommon. Now depending on what part of Europe you find yourself in, the air kiss could be on both cheeks, and even multiple times. Sometimes even with a big “muah!”

I began to notice that at work related social events for senior executives, the air kiss was the predominant greeting between men and women. It was definitely more common between women.

I even started noticing it in the Hollywood movies. In Notting Hill, a Japanese guest imitates Hugh Grant and goes over the front desk, kisses the manager’s cheek and asks, “Do you have a message for Katayama?” Although not an Air Kiss, it was strange to see a man kissing another man on the cheek.

Do You Have a Message for Katayama? — Notting Hill

The best movie to learn air kisses from is The Devil Wears Prada. Meryl Streep offers air kisses throughout the movie! To men and women, just as long as they don’t work for her!

Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada

Due to Covid, air kisses are rare, but even in the good old days of air kissing, I noticed how some women executives (I am remembering Marillyn H., Joanne M., etc.) would stick their hand out and avoid the air kiss or even the half-hug. So, learning how to air-kiss is not mandatory but potentially another skill in your executive tool belt? And then there was the infamous air kiss from Donald Trump to James Comey — and it was not even Christmas!

Trump & Comey: Was that an awkward air kiss?

The trick — and the challenge — I learnt over the years was to be sensitive to the body language of the woman. A light air kiss, if the cheek is proffered, or a handshake or a side hug are all acceptable alternatives. It’s an art, not science.

The most memorable cheek kiss that I received was from former Secretary of Transportation, Norm Mineta. We had grown to be personal friends since our days as colleagues at Lockheed Martin. The last time we met, he gave me a hug and a big kiss on the cheek. Maybe he sensed that we would never meet again!

So, how important is it to learn to do the Air Kiss well? In the era of Covid-19, not at all. However, it is a skill that one can add to one’s tool-kit. If a lady offers you her cheek, deal with it skillfully. And the best way to learn a new skill? Practice, practice, practice. As my friend, J. D. Hokoyama says, “Keep your values, learn new skills.”

The one thing I learned quickly was to never initiate an Air Kiss. Even if it is the night, sorry, the week before Christmas!

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S. K. Gupta is a former senior executive of a Fortune 50 corporation. He enjoys researching and writing about not-so-obvious things in life. Feedback welcome. sk.gupta.us at gmail dot com.

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S. K. Gupta

A storyteller. An observer of human behavior. Writes about the not-so-obvious things in life.